test

I recently returned from a silent retreat.  What's a silent retreat you might ask.  Well it's literally a weekend retreat where you don't talk.  It's intended to help you connect with God, to just being still and listening.  I've been doing this pretty much annually for over 25 years now.  It's a wonderful experience for me and I look forward to it every year. On Saturday I went for a walk and I intentionally slowed my pace and walked in a very mindful way.  First thing I noticed was how fast I normally walk and man was I missing a lot.  I slowed down and began to really take in my surroundings.  The retreat center is situated on the beautiful Raven River near Caroline, AB, it's really breath taking everywhere you walk.  Before long I noticed a line of small evergreen trees.  A much smaller one than the rest caught my eye right away, it was a not so green evergreen anymore.  I had walked by it before several times since arriving bu...

Here is my final writing assignment from my writing course I just finished.  It was supposed to be only 500 words but I couldn't cull it back.  Maybe a book in there some where lol!  Hope you enjoy!!  It Is Well With My Soul - Now! I sat in church one day listening to the words of an old hymn as uncontrollable tears streamed down my face.      When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,     When sorrows like sea billows roll;     Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,     It is well, it is well, with my soul.     It is well, with my soul, It is well,     It is well, with my soul.  God began to speak to me, not in an audible way, but deep down in my spirit.  “No need to strive, my dear one.  Your soul knows where it’s to go. I gave it a road map. It has the truth of who you are, and it uses your spirit to help guide you.  Your spirit is like you...

We just celebrated Mother's Day 2013 and I've had a bit of a revelation about my Mothering and Mothers in general that I wanted to share.  I've been looking at all the posts on Facebook the last few days about mothering and many shared about the reality of how hard and demanding it can be.  I've been listening intently to what my friends have been saying about their own mothering issues and also contemplating my own mothering experience so far. Being a Mom is rewarding but honestly it is a really hard job. Some how I must of missed that memo!  For most of the seventeen years I've been a Mom, I kind of believed a lie that I think other Mom's do sometimes also, that I just wasn't a very good Mom, that I was a failure and I was messing my kids up big time. People would tell me I was a good Mom, but deep down inside I just didn't believe it.  With all the struggles I've had with my parenting, let's face it three children all diagnosed with some form ...

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am employed as a Regional Coordinator for an organization that teaches kids about business and financial literacy.  One of the programs we teach looks at what success is and what it will take for a Jr. High student to achieve success in the future.  In the student workbook they define success this way:  "Success happens when you realize a dream you have imagined or take steps to accomplish the goals you plan to achieve."  This is a very good program and teaches young people some valuable things.  I've recently started to see success in a whole new way and agree more with the second half of that statement then the first and can't wait to share my new found wisdom next time I teach this program in a school.   For the past six months I have been taking part in a weight loss program through my local church.  In one of my final lessons in the four book cirriculum that I have been studying it talked about su...

I just took a journey that I cannot even believe I allowed myself to take.  I went to a place that I told myself I would never go again.  I allowed myself to be manipulated and used by someone who didn't care about me or my feelings.  Why?  Because I have a wounded heart. I have a heart that is very much in need of healing.  I have lived on this earth for 47 years and have never really known what is like to be loved and cherished by an earthly man.   I was not raised by a Dad who was emotionally available.  My Dad lived in my home for only 9 years of my life and was mostly absent after he left, I did not know what it felt like to have a man around.  I rarely had the experience of peering into my Dad's eyes to see that sparkle of approval.  Mostly what I saw was a look of disappointment and anger, as if his own failure as a man was staring back at him everytime I messed up.  Messing up was just a normal thing to do, after all I was only a...

I haven't written anything in my blog for a very long time.  Why?  Simple truth is.... Cuz my life was a mess and was unravelling as I knew it.  I thought my marriage was going to survive the pruning shears but it seemed it also had to go.  I had built a life that wasn't really authentic.  I can honestly tell you that most of it was a lie.  I was married for a very long time to someone who I loved like a brother not a lover and vice versa I am sure.  We created three beautiful children and for that I am eternally grateful and blessed.  My children have been my reason to carry on, to keep getting up each day and moving forward, excuriating as it has been.  You see even if you know that what is happening is a good thing.  That some how the universe, God is putting everything back in order.  It's still incredibly painful and awkward to accept.  You long so much for what used to be, for something familar of the old you, even if the...

Wow!  It's hard to believe it's been six months since I've entered anything into this blog.  Believe me it's not for want that I haven't.  It is really because I was in a very deep place which required me to withdraw from pretty much everyone and everything that I used to define myself by.  I really was in quite a dark night for a long time and the last few months have begun to signal the end of that dark night.  Thank goodness!! Another reason I haven't written is because I heard very clearly from God that I was not to write  another word publicly until he did two things.  First: remove me from the dark night and second: I was not to begin writing again until I had begun healing from the pain of the dark night.  (I wasn't really moving along very quickly through that part!) Have you ever experienced a dark night of the soul?  Wikipedia defines it this way:  a d ark night of the soul  is a  metaphor used to describe a pha...